I have been unable to discover the author of this story, so am categorizing it as an urban myth perhaps true, perhaps not. All that said, if the author is discovered, full credit will be given and the story removed if so requested by the actual author. Please sit squarely in your chair, guaranty your hernia belt is tight, and start reading… this will make you laugh until your guts hurt…Gods bless America where free men can purchase weapons for self defense, from deer………………………LMAO
Roping A Deer
(Actual Letter from someone who writes and farms…)
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it…it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer– no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.
I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse –strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.
I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run…
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope, so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey…
March 19th, 2008 by forniss | Gun Control, Humor, Second Amendment, Urban Myth | 2 comments
well it was a borein satday arvo n it didnt look like i was gunna hav much 2 do so off 2 my local i go 4 a slap on the pokie’s n a beer 2 pass the time aways! i put a tenner in this machine went max line’s ten credits $5 a slap ??? the first press won zip n it looked like it wasnt gunna be a lucky day 4 me wit my eyes shut n my fingers crossed i hit the button 4 the secound n last time 2 my surprize i pull off a minnie jack pot of $600 so it was back 2 home 2 get the good gear out dress up a bit n off 2 the casino in brissie i go !! feelin like a millon air i hit the black jack tables but four hands laters my big pile of cash was down 2 a lousey $125 feelin sad n sorry 4 my self i walk over 2 this masive poker machine n i mean masive you could hav housed a famly of 10 in side easy (LOL) $20 bucks i slid in the slot pulled the handle wich was so high of the ground i had 2 jump 2 grab the fucking thing! well as it cam down i sliped of the end of it lost my balace came crashin 2 the ground hit my head n was out cold when i came thourgh i was flat on my back in the middle of the casino wit peps running all over the shack 2 help me get up! as im gettin 2 my feet i notice a casino chip hiddin under the machine n said 2 one of the bouncer’s i lost a couple of chips out of my pocket one of them is stuck under the machine can u help me get it back??? so he lays down on his stumick puts his hand under grabs the chip puts it in my hand n gos there u are sir but there was only one under there hope its your lucky 1????? well guys i can tell u it was as it was a $1000 chip i went strait to the chip box cashed it in n walked out the casino $1105 richer than b4 so now the night is gunna be big so in to the valley i go 2 where all the bad girls hang out had a ball n started my way home around 330am was walkin up this side street when a young nip come 2 me asked 4 a ciggie as i was givin him 1 he trys runing wit my packet i catch up 2 him clip him around the ear take my smokes back n start 2 walk away im half way back up this street n all of a sudden im fronted by about 2o of this little fuckin nips rellies running at me wit sticks knifes rocks any fuckin thing they can pick up !!!! im way out numbered so i leg it across the story bridge i get about half way n these guys are gainin fast so i look over the rail of the bridge 2 far 2 jump 2 the water about 30mtrs then i look up the beams the only way 4 me 2 go is up so i climb all the way 2 the top about 60mters in all by the time i got 2 the top the sun was dawning 4 a brand new day i look down n theres pigs n nips running every where the pigs dont see me right up the top n leave me be (LOL) so i sit on top take some pics wit me phone do the rocky dance sing eye of the tiger count whats left of my $ wait 4 all the bullshit down below 2 go aways climb back down jump in a cab n go home!!!! what a fuckin night that was i will not 4get it in a hurry (LOL) i posted the pics of my view on top of the bridge its the best sight see iv ever had in brissie in all my life it was orwsume man!!!!!!